I've read several articles recently about finding your soulmate not being realistic....and I couldn't agree more. I think it's more about being happy with yourself and then finding someone that you fit well with.
Here's just one of the articles I
read.
It's made me think a lot about my journey to finding my true love. The kind of love that's just normal. Gordon and I are quickly approaching our 4th wedding anniversary and I'm happy to say things are better than ever. Sure, we have our normal couple disagreements. It'd be weird if we didn't.
I give my previous failed relationships credit for my healthy marriage....and here is why!
Looking back, I now realize that every relationship taught me something different. I read a book years ago called
The 10 Women You'll Be Before You're 35. It was spot on. I've changed. The things I can and cannot tolerate have changed. Thankfully, I'm better. Here's a little run down of my past.....
{
High School Sweetheart} I thought I'd die without this one. I couldn't imagine loving anyone else. I didn't want to. It started off so innocently. We were only 17 when it began and at the end 22. Although I wish I would have been smart enough to end it at 19, I didn't. Because of that, I did learn that I could
forgive but I could never forget. I put on the top of my "what I want in a man list" HONESTY.
{
On Again Off Again) He was my best friend. Somehow timing just never quite worked out for us to have a productive relationship....and yet we were always right there for each other in some of the hardest times in both of our life's. God works in mysterious ways. It's like He knew that we needed each others support but His plan wasn't to have us spend our life together. From this relationship I learned I wanted to find HAPPINESS and JOY. I added FRIEND onto my "man list". A friend that would always have my back.
{
College Fling} It didn't last very long but it left an impression. I realized how great it was to be with a person that is driven. A person that is ambitious and HARDWORKING. Those two qualities were added to my "man list".
{
Get A Job} This one started at the end of college and went into the beginning of my big girl life. I learned a lot about what I didn't want from this relationship. Don't get me wrong, we had fun. This was my "drink champagne and dance on the tables" relationship. Fun doesn't take you very far in life. That in its self was a good lesson. During this time I did learn to love music outside of my normal country girl stuff....U2, Coldplay, Jimmy Buffett, Bob Marley. I was able to put STABILITY on my "man list" after this one.
{
Trying To Grow Up} I went on a couple of dates with a guy that worked for BP in my mid 20s. He wanted to travel the world and live in other countries (back then I said I'd never live abroad, now I think it sounds awesome). At the time I still questioned sushi (which I now love). He helped me open my eyes to different things, try new things, be more spontaneous and dig down a little deeper to my adventurous side. I added FUN to my list. Having someone to travel with had a new meaning.
{
The Last Before The Last} God putting this one in my life was such a blessing. The relationship was a mess but it really made me grow up and re-prioritize. Emotions were intense in this one. It made me want something calmer. He had a wonderful family and was Catholic like me. At 25, after it was over, I realized how important attending church with my significant other was to me. I added two very important things to my list GOD and a strong FAMILY. These two things, in my opinion, are the foundation of a relationship. So, thanks Pub Fiction for connecting me with this last one!
In October 2006 I wrote a list of what I
did and
did not want in a man. Five months later the man I would marry walked back into my life. I hadn't
seen or talked to him in 5 years. I'll never forget the smile that was on his face when I got out of my car that night. I love him to the moon.
We don't drink champagne and dance on tables but we have a lot of fun. We go to church together. We love each others families. We are stable. We've gone on some awesome vacations together. He's my best friend, the best daddy and a fabulous landscape architect that works his butt off to provide for his family. I found that "man list" when I was moving out of my apartment in 2010. I couldn't help but smile and give myself a little pat on my back (and say a little thank you prayer to the Man above). I had stayed strong and true to myself. I didn't settle. I found the one that was perfect for
me.
All the heartache and tears were worth it....and believe me, there had been lots of tears over the years (just ask my mom)!
No relationship is perfect. It takes work every. single. day. Having a child adds a whole new dimension. Luckily, I found someone that I can work through the good times and the bad with. He's easy going and kind. I feel blessed. Simple as that.
{I was only 18 in this picture!} {Heading to NM to ski} {Sophomore year at the SAE lodge}
{First Kiss} {Pajama Party our Sophomore year}
{SAE ski trip Freshman year} {2007=First year of dating}
From afar, I've watched my much younger cousins go through their own relationship struggles. Maybe by writing this post I'll help a young lady (or man) see a little clearer. Things were foggy when I was in my early 20s. They are crystal clear now. :)
